Dear Solomon - I'm Working on My Grip

Dear Solomon,

Before I report on my current progress I’d like you to consider how well I’ve done with some of the practical applications in Proverbs 1 and 2. I was stellar in the “do not” department. Here are some examples of ways I’ve heeded your warnings:

• I didn’t waylay any harmless souls.
• I did not lie in wait.
• I avoided throwing in my lot with thieves. (Unless Mafia Wars counts – does it?)
• I didn’t rejoice in the perverseness of evil.
• I did not follow an immoral woman along the path to death (And, for extra credit, I didn’t lead anyone along that path either.)

I’d give myself a passing grade in the following areas as well.

• I paid attention to parental advice.
• I sought wisdom and understanding

I’m not sure how you’d score the final item, but I’m confident that I made progress. I listened more, criticized less, and saw things from another perspective. I get the feeling that you’re setting me up. Just as I began to ooze confidence, I encountered chapter 3.

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablets of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”

LOVE and FAITHFULNESS are big ideas. The amplified version gives me a greater sense of my shortcomings. Love = mercy and kindness, shutting out all hatred and selfishness. Faithfulness = truth, shutting out all deliberate hypocrisy. The message puts it this way.

“Don’t lose your grip on love and loyalty, tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart. Earn a reputation for living well in God’s eyes and in the eyes of the people.”

How is my grip on love and loyalty? Does the tablet of my heart resemble the art young lovers carve into trees? Or is it more like an inner city pedestrian overpass tagged with hatred, selfishness, and hypocrisy? At the risk of exposing my inner jerk, I will confess that I love my family, and I love Chipotle; but I consistently communicate more approval and satisfaction towards Chipotle. My husband is much more valuable and worthy of my adoration than anything on their menu. Yet my heart is so marred by selfishness and hypocrisy that it ignores him and turns somersaults when the tantalizing aroma of a carnitas burrito wafts into my olfactory range. As much as I’d like to think of myself as a work in progress, sometimes, I’m just a piece of work.

My heart is difficult to fix, but reformation through fashion neckwear could be the answer! I’m experimenting with a silver engraved heart necklace that daughter #2 gave me for Christmas. Each morning I follow your advice and "bind" this symbol of love and loyalty around my neck. Throughout the day I touch it gently to remind me keep my grip. It seems to be effective for everyday circumstances, but it was no match for the conflict I faced at work earlier this week. No amount of toying or fiddling generated warm and devoted feelings toward my employer. For those circumstances, I’ll need to upgrade to a scarf – something more substantial so I can give it a sharper tug. I’m looking for one to keep in my desk drawer.

Can you believe I only made it to verse 3? This project is much harder than I thought it would be. Your advice is changing my life – one nugget at a time.

Thanks,

-bw-

Dear Solomon, Have You Ever Played the Ungame?

Dear Solomon,

According to you, I should seek understanding. Understanding is a fuzzy concept. How do I know I’ve achieved it? Let me tell you about things I understand and things I don’t understand.

I understand why placeholders are used in a multi-digit multiplication algorithm and the need for both explicit phonetic instruction AND exposure to a rich vocabulary to develop strong decoding and comprehension skills. These two “understandings” were birthed from years working as a teacher and studying how kids learn. In educational pedagogy there are other things I don’t understand like theories of Cognitive Development, Social Cognition, and Control Theory. I’ve studied these ideas, took and passed exams relating to them, participated in group discussions, and even wrote essays about them. So why is it that I still don’t “understand” them?

I understand how to ski and snowboard. I’m not advanced in either pursuit, and there are times my body doesn’t cooperate with the theories that my brain is attempting to execute. I’ve swooshed all the way down the mountain on skis (repeatedly) and transversed across the slopes slowly on a snowboard. Due to my outstanding efforts I awarded myself an “understanding” merit badge – not a blue ribbon or an advanced award, but a badge nonetheless. I also awarded myself a “THANKGODIDIDN’TGETACONCUSSION” badge for nursing a throbbing headache from smacking it on the ground repeatedly (while learning to snowboard) and later earned a “SERIOUSLYYOUARETOOOLDFORTHIS” award when fear of experiencing additional soreness led me to give up in the middle of my fifth snowboarding lesson. I don’t understand moguls, half-pipes, rails, and terrain parks. My lack of understanding contributes to the pleasure I experience while oooh-ing and ahhh-ing the Olympic endeavors of athletes like Shaun “the Flying Tomato” White.

One reason I enjoy watching sports, whether I fully understand them or not, is that I understand competition. I grew up in a “game playing” home. I remember learning to sort my cards according to suit and number. There were also opportunities for instruction in attentiveness; Dad had little tolerance for distraction. When it was my turn, I was to be ready. Intensive training in concentration took place at the cribbage board. Occasionally, when I finished counting a hand, Dad would ask, “Is that all?” That was my cue to re-examine. Just as often, he would give a quick nod, rattle off what I had missed, and march his peg closer to the skunk line.

As a teen, I didn’t understand the UnGame. Why would its manufacturers make it look just like a game when it’s so Un-EVERYTHING? Setting it up required a paradigm shift. 1) Agree upon the length of the game. I examined the instructions for clues and found the following rules: “No Challenging,” “No Probing,” “No Sarcasm,” and “Remain Silent.” I immediately determined that this was UnFun and UnWorthy of any length of my time. My hostess, on the other hand, had received this as a Christmas gift and had an intense desire that it be opened and played. More importantly, one of her guests was a gentleman of interest. The accompanying surge of hormones clouded her judgment and made the stack of “lighthearted” and “serious” topics exceedingly appealing. Despite the fact that I managed to break all of the rules during the set up period, I caved in and agreed to play for the suggested game length (45 minutes). I, along with several other “players” suffered in silence while the red and blue markers bared their souls and spouted off tender and encouraging affirmations on cue.

The UnGame had one lofty purpose that I’m beginning to appreciate. By playing it, participants developed understanding. They practiced listening, communicating, respecting, and reflecting. Mastery of the Ungame could have been beneficial. I recently read an explanation of how children learn to solve problems from their parents. In one study, children who saw their Mom and Dad attempting to understand each other, tended to value and use cooperative strategies in problem solving; whereas children who observed competition and fighting between their parents tended to argue and strive for their own ways. As I read this I gulped out loud. Did my competitive habits explain the years of scrapping and jostling I’ve refereed?

Am I getting closer Solomon? Can I understand things I don’t experience firsthand by following the rules of the UnGame? Can I understand people and events? Here are my understanding strategies for 2010 inspired by you and the UnGame. Listen. Spend quality time with others. Create a loving and caring environment that is a safe place for others to open up and be honest. Do not criticize, use sarcasm, judge, or compete. Remain silent.

Thanks again for another dose of your weekly wisdom,

-bw-

Dear Solomon, You May Want to Tone it Down a Little...

Dear Solomon,

It’s week one and I’ve been contemplating the first chapter of Proverbs. The way you introduced your compilation of wisdom convinced me that I can use your help. My life has grown more and more complicated over the years. I have three part time jobs, a fledgling business, a family, and a menagerie of animals. I am faced with dozens of choices every day, and I can rattle off my failures more rapidly than I can identify my successes.

Like most parents, I flourished my pom-poms when I read verses 8-9. I am a big fan of children listening to their parents – especially my children listening to me. I decided to APPLY these verses in a new way by identifying instructions and teachings that MY parents passed along to me, and do things THEIR way.

As I took down the outside Christmas decorations, I was careful to coil the extension cords EXACTLY how Dad did it. I also repackaged each item into its original box just the way it came and sealed the box tops. The entire time I heard Dad saying, “Do it right the first time, and you won’t have to do it again.” It felt like Dad was right there with me as I went about my chores. Embarrassed at what he would think, I quickly straightened up my tool shelf in the garage. Seeing the little jars of nuts, bolts, and screws made me think of how often I followed his ways without thinking about it.

Following Mom’s advice, I put myself on kitchen alert. My counters were wiped often, and I snatched dirty dishes out of the sink with a swiftness of a Kung Fu move. My goal – leave no dishes undone at bedtime. It was nice seeing a spotless kitchen first thing in the morning.

When I ran errands on Sunday afternoon, I noticed that the gas gauge had dipped below half a tank. Following Dad’s lead I pulled into a service station even though the “low fuel” light had not yet come on. It was actually pleasant to pump my gas without rushing in the sunshine.

Your analogy of wisdom crying in the public squares, at the gateways of the city, and in the noisy streets inspired me to look for wisdom wherever people gathered. I started at Walmart where I found “Spend less, live better.” That was good advice. On the radio I heard, “Your right thinking sometimes produces right actions; other times it’s right actions that produce right thinking.” I tucked that little gem away to ponder and use later.

I researched advice on television and radio – more public forums. I found Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Suze Orman, Dr. Laura, Dave Ramsey, and Oprah. Each had something wise to say. In the bookstore I found shelves and shelves of advice on all subjects. I accessed advice from Dear Abby, Miss Manners, and the Ex-Ettiquette folks in the local newspapers. You are right, wisdom is EVERYWHERE and she isn’t whispering.

Can I give you a little advice? Consider toning down your personification of wisdom to appeal to today’s audience. People don’t want to be laughed at, mocked, or subjected to a retaliatory snub. Your portrayal of wisdom makes Dr. Laura seem soft. I know you’re trying to warn me about the harshness of the consequences that follow foolish choices, and I appreciate that. (Believe me, I’d rather read about harsh things than experience them.) Anyway, it’s just a thought.

So, that’s my progress on Proverbs 1 so far. It’s hard to believe the first week of the year is almost over. Can’t wait to see what you teach me next week.

Sincerely,

-bw-

Dear Solomon, Have You Been to Walmart Recently?

Dear Solomon,

Last month, I discovered everything I needed in life is in aisles 11 and 12 at Walmart. In the laundry detergent section, jugs and boxes whisper their promises from four-color glossy labels. CHEER! What a wonderful and exhilarating thing to have for those occasions when I face 10 loads of post-camping-trip drudgery. BOUNCE? Maybe using that will add a spring to my step? BOLD. Hmmm. Although there are times when I need this, I will have to be careful to use if sparingly on the kids’ things. Shout! That’s how I feel about stains too! Gain. I will have to use this selectively, and it must never, ever touch the bathroom scales.

When I gaze at the shelves at the end of the aisle; I have to pinch myself. The Joy I need is nestled amongst the liquid dish soaps. I can barely contain myself when I see that Palmolive has reached a new level offering custom aromatherapy formulas that promise to turn my future dishwashing experiences into mini-spas. I can choose from “anti-stress,” “tranquility” or “energy.” I need all three.

And have you seen the latest in air fresheners? The old Febreeze is no match for the Airwick line. I can choose from “relaxation lavender & chamomile,” “calming cherry and magnolia,” “island paradise” or “hidden pleasures.” Glade offers me “angel whispers,” “clean linen” and “sunny days.” All will find a place in my basket.

The next section contains oven cleaners. Easy Off is a great concept that you might want to include in your next publication. If you could work out a dieter’s formula - it will be a best seller. In the toilet bowl section there's a little something called Vanish. Now, that's something I’d like to have on hand for my problems. Fantastik multi-surface cleaner sounds like a nice pick-me-up. Scrubbing Bubbles. Thank you. SOS? How do they know? It's all about knowing your audience and these writers know me!

It's going to be difficult to stick with my plan if these labels deliver on their promises - especially that unassuming bottle of yellowish liquid on the very bottom shelf. It captures me like a deer caught in the bright headlights of hope. Mr. Kleen, a genie in a bottle, muscles bulging, rag in hand promises to be the man of my dreams. He beckons. I'm thinking I should start with a gallon.

And did you know I can buy Resolve? I plan to apply it liberally from head to toe. I RESOLVE to eat healthier, exercise, do more things that energize me and stay away from those things that drag me down. I can use a can of PLEDGE too. Perhaps it will make my PLEDGES stick. It can't hurt to try.

These products make my spirit soar and as a new decade unfolds I am eager to immerse myself in their life changing resources. I'm sure you're shaking your head in amazement by now, or perhaps you're intimidated by the competition, but I still plan on reading a chapter a week from your stuff - kind of like a back up plan - just in case my inventory fails me.

My progress on chapter 1 is coming soon.

Sincerely,

-bw-